2:58pm
Nothing too exciting to speak of. Got some more xmas gifts bought. Still have more to buy.

Work is same same, no real change. Will be working on xmas and xmas eve. Nothing else to do really, so why not?

It's been nice here the past week or so, sunny, well, it's almost alwaya sunny.. but good temps. Nothing like you'd think for CO in Dec. Everybody thinks CO is like this cold place with lots of snow, and it's not. Not unless you live at 10000 feet. But it's nice being down here in the sun, and looking at all the snow, on the big peaks, in the not-so-great distance.

Got drunk the other night playing truth or dare with someone on the net. Yes, you can do this on the net, to a point..just need a webcam. I had a beer before we started, which wasn't good, because i ended up getting dared to do shots. So i'm like, doing shots of Glenlivet, and i finally end up doing a QUAD-shot, and that was it, i was immediately plastered. The next day wasn't pretty, and i still went to work at 6.
So this is maybe like, the 4th time i've been drunk in my life. Drunk enough to the point of vomiting anyway.

"When I was very young. Nothin' really mattered to me. But making myself happy. I was the only one. Now that i'm grown. Everything's changed. I'll never be the same. Because of you."
You know who you are :-)

Mood: Indifferent
Music: Madonna: Ray of Light: Nothing Really Matters

11:46pm
I probably should be in bed. I need the sleep. I debated starting a live journal, which is basically the same thing as this, just easier to update with bells and whistles. But then, since it's on another page, I couldn't have my "pages changed since you were last here" script say when it was updated, the page being somewhere else on the net. So tough, i'm sticking with my format. It doesn't need to be purty.

I really think i'm building up a tolerance to caffeine. I had a quad latte this morning, and then another one this evening, had a nap this evening (falling asleep watching Friends), and now i'm tired. Go figure.

I had a frustrating bout of conflicting fashion sense this morning before work. Maybe it was just too early, but, it always is when i have to go to work. I couldn't figure out which coat I wanted to wear. I tried on 4 out of the 5 I own..and still didn't feel totally right. 15 damn minutes out my day for such a stupid thing. I don't know why that happens, and what it is that makes me feel not right. It's like i really care how I look to the world, when everybody that matters isn't even here!

I should start preparing for mom and sis's visit on umm, sunday? monday? I forget. Clean house, room, etc.. It's the first visit by anyone since i've been here. I don't really know how I should feel about it. I wanna feel disappointed, but then I always involuntarily understand that people have busy lives. I guess mine's just not as busy. It still upsets me deep down.

I miss my charissa. Her lips is particular today. Kissing her. I just wish there was something I could do about it. We're going to NYC the end of December to see DMB, and hopefully stay over a night in a schweet hotel, and then spend the next day doing touristy stuff there. I can't wait!

Oh, and I got FRONT ROW tickets to the David Gray concert here! Cha-ching!

Mood: Mixed emotions :-/
Music: The Cranberries: Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

3:30pm
Where to start...probably at the beginning. From my Aug entry 'til now a few things have happened. Saw mom at the end of Aug. in St. Louis. Took her to a dave concert, which she loved. Planning to see him again in Dec. in NYC.
My one amp broke in my car..unfortunately the one for the main speakers, so listening to music was kind of futile. Can't really make out anything with just bass pourin' out of the subwoofers. So, that was broken for 2 weeks. Horrible car silence.
Bought some new cds and dvds. David gray's new one, elvis costello, cranberries, some clint eastwood westerns, because sometimes I get in the mood for a good western on Sundays. Got music concerts DVDs of david gray in Ireland, the cranberries in Paris, and DMB from here in Boulder. Found out that for the lord of the rings DVD, they actually DO have a widescreen edition, and i just never looked and picked up the full-screen version. grr. and now they have a 4 dvd version out. I hate multiple DVD versions of movies. I think it's just a ploy to get more money out of consumers.
Getting cold here, and while i dont like the cold THAT much, do like some of the things it brings. Hiking in the snow, how the snow sits on tree limbs, how much better coffee tastes, eggnog and gingerbread lattes..mmmmm.
Started on my 3rd chapbook. Wasn't sure whether I would or not, but I had a spurt of inspiration, so thought, what the hell. I still have written a lot in recent months, and that's never good. I'm thinking of adopting the pen name "Lucas P. Jackson", but haven't decided yet.
Went to visit charissa this past weekend. And while I won't go into any details here, being public info, i'll just say it was an amazing weekend, and I haven't smiled and been happy so much in a long time. I can't wait for it to happen again. She's more amazing than i ever thought someone could be.

4:51pm
I kicked Bergen Peak's ASS yesterday. Great view from the top. Was feeding chipmunks out of my hand (part of my nutri-grain bar). I didn't realize how long the hike was until I got back to the car and looked in the book and it said 13.5 miles. I was like, no friggin' way! Long-ass hike.

Bought 3 new DVDs. Empire Records, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and Lord of the Rings. I can't believe Lord of the Rings isn't widescreen. What the hell were they thinking when they made this DVD?!?

10:52am
Hiked at Red Rocks last weekend. The famous and infamous red rocks where DMB played back in '95. Good hike, cool rock formations, worth doing again.
Thinking of doing Bergen Peak today, west of denver. It reaches up to like 9700. And I wanna do Loch Vale in Rocky Mountain National Park next weekend, which reaches into mid 11000.
Need to get more acclimated at higher elevations to do a 14er by the end of the month.

Started taking Paxil. Hope it doesn't make me a new, fake person. I've seen it have that effect on people before.

Nothing else in life really to speak of. Sad.

8:41pm
I'm back from PA once again. Interesting week it was. Ups and downs. Saw some people. Didn't see others. Had some smiles. Had some tears. Lost touch with my touchstone.
Such is life, huh?

Went hiking today. Made Bear Mountain and Boulder Mountain my bitches :) South Boulder Peak was amazing, as always. Had some lunch up there while looking out over the Indian Peaks. Had some chipmunks come up to me on the rocks and stat nibbling and checking out my backpack.
Bear Peak was ok. Lot of bugs, as always.

Paid off my school loan after 8 long years. No more loans for me until I build my house, I think.

Finished my 2nd chapbook, and am pondering whether I want to keep writing and start a third. I don't know. I like writing. I like getting out thoughts that i can't get out with my voice, but sometimes it's just draining.

Nothing else good to report.

10:34pm
Yesterday, for the first in a few months, i actually felt pretty good. Things were on my mind, but not bothering me one bit, which is very surprising.

I went outside on my porch just around dusk and all of a sudden everything felt good. A steady warm breeze was blowing through, and I was feeling like i was sitting on the porch of a beachhouse, looking out at the ocean and feeling the breeze from it. Obviously there was no ocean or salt-smell in the air, and that's all that was missing to make everything perfect. That day, while at work, i got something that made my day, made me feel..i dont know..kind of, confirmed some of my worth.

As some of you know, I write/program chat server software, that people download, install, run, and talk to their friends on. I've been writing this since like, 1994..which, thinking now, is a freakin' long time. I dont charge for it, it's free. So me writing it has been just this long drawn-out hobby in programming..anyway..

I always knew I was providing a service, allowing people the ability to easily talk to their peers, but never felt I was doing anything too useful..not that I cared.

So, I get this email..every time one of these servers gets installed by someone, the software shoots out a little email to me telling me who installed it, where it's installed, blah blah. Then I usually connect to the chat server, and ask the person if they need any help, have questions , etc.. So..I go to the place mentioned in the email yesterday. And the guy who set it up is there, and i'm casually talking to him and I asked him why he installed it. And he says that he has throat cancer (from smoking cigarettes), and something like his voicebox is really messed up. So he installed it so he could talk to his friends and family easier. And it just made me feel really good. Not that he had cancer, but that I wrote something that is benefitting this person.

And then, thinking over the years about all the people I've seen come on these servers that I've created, thousands of people, that talked with their friends, and made new friends, and talked with their family, and found lovers, and wives, and husbands. And the friends I found there..tons of people I've known for like, 9 years.

I'm proud of myself. I dont say or feel that too often. But I am.

4:00pm
I finally got a job. I work at a place in Boulder called Net Infrastructure. Make good money. Make even more when i work more than 40 hours, which I have been..like 60-65. It's on Pearl St. which is a cultural, um, hub. So I can watch society happening outside my window. Kind of makes me more depressed, working so much and then coming home to realize I dont have someone to come home to..besides my roomies obviously.

Haven't been hiking in weeks, since I've been working so much. So I don't really have a good stress reliever at the moment, except for coffee.

Going home in July (17th-23rd actually) to take my dad to a DMB concert at Hershey. Figure i'll stick around for about a week, see some people I missed the first time around

Not much else to tell. Ventured to Utah a little while ago, some new landscape to gasp and ooo and awww at. Check out my mountaineering page for some new goals. Still writing, still listening. Incredible things have fallen out of my life, and not too much has come in..but the sunsets over the mountains are beautiful, and such a thing has kept me going.

2:14pm
Still job hunting here. No prospects to speak of. The industry sucks right now, what can I say

Summited my first mountain, Green Mountain. 8144 ft. My knees paid for it on the way down, though. Hopefully will do some 14ers by summer. Been hiking about 2 days a week, weather and body permitting, of course. The mountains just call out to be hiked, and every time I drive into Boulder I still get awwed looking at them.

No female relationships to really speak of yet. But there's still hope. In the meantime, we go out every so often, see bands, bar-hop, check out the scenery.

12:30pm
Made it to Colorado finally, 2 weekends ago. Things are going pretty well. Still looking for a job, and will hopefully have one before March ends (the sooner the better!) , or i'm in trouble. Not homesick at all. Which is a little surprising, but fine. Peoplesick though. Miss charissa and mr. latella soo much. There will have to be frequent visits in the future. In the meantime, i think i met more people out here than I ever did at home. Surprisingly, remember 1/2 their names right off the bat.

Pretty much settled..still details to iron out, bank, address changes, blah blah. Hopefully when I get a job i'll be able to buy some outdoor equiptment and get started on colorado's greatest feature..the mountains. Snowboarding, climbing.
Been walking/jogging once so far. It's starting to get a little cold for it. Even more so as you go up in elevation. That may not kick in for me until temps get >= 50 down here on the front range